the fat and the furious

my quest for a tiny waistline has ended.

evil rice won.

and my TT had given up.

but the BIGGEST loser is none other than…drum rolls…ME!

i am OFFICIALLY FAT.

***

i  have been mommy-fied 10 years ago with the arrival of chingan, my niece.

i’ve played little nanay to her eversince.

and this is the reason i’m a little less afraid of becoming a mom IN THE FUTURE.

yes, i do want a sadie and a diego a few years from now and i believe that gauging from how well i seem to take care of chingan, i could be a supermom SOMEDAY.

you read it right:  SOMEDAY.

which is why i’m not too thrilled when people come up to me and say, ‘kailan ka naman magkaka-anak?’

and worse, ‘uy, di ka na bumabata dapat magka-anak ka na kasi mahihirapan ka na!’

and even WORST, ‘ilang buwan na ‘yan?’

alright–the last one didn’t irk me because of the ‘it’s-none-of-your-business-whether-i’m-gonna-have-a-baby-now-or-never’ factor but because i just find it rude and disgusting to assume someone is pregnant for having a bulging belly!

i do have a baby bump.

i am not proud of it because it’s a result of being too lazy to exercise and for being such a gluton.

but please, don’t rub it in.

especially when you’re some stinking stranger whom i had given up my seat for in the LRT.

this is what i get from being considerate and courteous at times.

sucks.

no, no, no!

i am not.

i don’t want to be…yet.

i can’t be.

i shoudn’t be.

dear lei

i’m not big on goodbyes.  when someone close to me leaves, i pretend that he/she has hit the eternal sack. 

when you told me you were getting married i had apprehensions because i thought you weren’t prepared for it.  thankfully, i was wrong. :)  now, you’re leaving us behind to be with olen–it’s kinda sad but what can we do? even if we arm you with a dildo, having olen handy at night is just way better! hahaha!

i’ll miss you. 

when you’re gone, i’ve no one to make fun of gem with anymore.

i will no longer have a shrink-on-call to psychoanalyze text messages for me.

and sophies get-togethers won’t be as fun anymore.

but it’s okay. 

you’re married now.

i may be selfish but this is one scenario where chicks don’t have to come before dicks.

do remember that we’re all just a YM, text and call away if you ever feel lonely and if you need to make ’sumbong’ just in case olen misbehaves.

and oh–if you ever come across a ravishing irish man with a body and intellect to die for please DON’T hesitate to give him my number!

we love you.

i need to end this now–i’m no longer making sense.

it’s basic human decency…

…to break up with someone face to face.

…to tell her that you’re done screwing her for good.

…to let her know that there’s somebody else.

…to give her a reason for your sudden distance and coldness.

you know who you are…

dear you,

i wish i’ll never have to send you this:

-me

silver lining

we’re texting again.

great.

i dunno if it’s the german measles.

or the scorching hot weather.

whatever made him text me again, thank you.

i dunno if we’ll ever become friends.

but at least he no longer hates me.

and i’ll take that anytime.

left

before midnight lei texted me that she has bought her ticket and will be leaving for ireland on july 2.  i told her that we should meet next weekend so we could send her off properly but she said it isn’t possible since the other girls are not available.  i felt sad–i haven’t seen them since benedick left months ago.  i know and i understand that our conflicting schedules make it harder for us to get together but sometimes i couldn’t help but get upset each time we fail to see each other because we couldn’t make time to do so.

it’s pretty depressing that everyone seems to be leaving.  habi and i have been contemplating on finally making the leap and it saddens me that most of the people i care about won’t be here when we finally do it.  benedick’s away and he isn’t sure when he’s coming back for a vacation, kami’s based in NY and there’s no way she’d make it if ever, my other friends–denz, beng, kelly and gelli are out of the country too.  and so is cesar, whom i haven’t spoken to in ages.  ditto with florence, gene, dinds and yeah, even porky.  and now lei–although i must admit that she and i don’t communicate that much anyway, it’ll make a huge difference when she leaves.  for one, she won’t be just a phone call away when i want to meet up with her and the rest of the sophies. and of course, i will no longer have someone to psychoanalyze text messages for me when i’m being my usual cynical self.

i know it isn’t the end of the world and that no matter where destiny takes us all we’d still be friends at the end of the day but distance has a way of building invisible walls…