sick

i have not met anyone more demented than him. 

i wish i hadn’t met him, known him, and yes, loveD him.

i didn’t know i’m capable of hating someone this badly before this thing came about.

i abhor having believed all his lies.

i hate him.

i wish wenwen would come to his senses and do something about this blatant fabrication.

can i sue someone for using someone else’s pictures and claiming it to be his?

ebony

i’ve always dreamt of it.

my college friends knew all about it.

i guess even my high school friends do.

i like it not because i want to stir controversy.

i like it not because i am an attention whore.

i like it because it’s very elegant.

i like it because it’s different. 

i like it because it’s unconventional.

and because on the day habi slips that ring on my finger, i wanted my bridesmaids friends to look extra stunning.

and only one color will do.

this:

nothing else.

habi has to give in, otherwise…

better them wearing black instead of me, right?

*hehehe ‘yan pinalitan ko na ms. kami, wala naman ‘grammarian’ nagbabasa ng blog ko, ikaw lang!

priceless

from chingan:

‘pangit ka na naman. sana di ka na lang nagpa-itim!’

kids don’t lie.

‘na naman’ being the operative word.

when kaya ako naging maganda?

hahaha.

sunshine after the rain

ignore the title.

corny, i know.

but i couldn’t find a word to describe how relieved i am that things are great again between habi and i.

all it took was a 3-day break from city life.

we had a blast in his mom’s hometown in alaminos, pangasinan.

there, i got acquainted with his maternal relatives who were all nice and kind.  kuya genis, ate nila and their kids.  the garibay boys–allan, roheng (i hope i spelled it right!) and garry.  uncle pol and his wife auntie lebring, ellen and levi, edna and her kids, uncle adiong and his wife (sorry, ate nila i dunno what to call her), kuya jun and his wife, uncle pabs and aunt bening, kakang and the others who were nothing but warm and gracious they made our stay truly memorable.

but more importantly, habi and i spent time rediscovering each other and mulling our future together. 

i’m beaming widely now.

drained

i guess it happens when you try to make sense of things you couldn’t quite understand.  there are just way too many questions and the answers are scarce.

sometimes we view our lives as spectators, admiring things from the outside and not paying attention to the kinks that can only be seen if we take a closer look at what’s really happening in the inside.

i guess there comes a point when you become too busy seeing things through rose-colored glasses that you no longer get to see things the way they really are.  that point when you get way too sold to the idea that things are all bright and beautiful that you don’t get to see the flaws anymore.

i don’t understand why i feel this way.  i don’t even know how to describe the emotion that envelops me right now.  one thing i’m certain is, my smile no longer reaches my eyes.

wednesday rants

i’m dizzy. my head hurts. migraine again, perhaps.  i think i should heed the captain’s advice and go see a neurologist when i find the time for it.

***

this weekend i’m going to pangasinan with habi and his parents.

i dunno what to expect and honestly i’m getting a little jittery because i don’t speak and understand ilocano.  i’m certain that people there can converse well in tagalog but i have this thing about hearing other people talk in their native dialect in my presence.  it freaks me out! 

i have an ilonggo ex and believe me, i was breathing fire trying to make sense of what they were talking about one evening over dinner in tagaytay.  it sucked! 

will someone teach me some ilocano phrases please?

***

i texted mimay, gem and lei and asked if they wanted to meet up over pizza tonight. i got a NO.

i seriously need new girlfriends.

***

i wanted habi to pick me up from work today.

i got a NO too.

i seriously need a new…

to mark

yeah, i was that shallow.

here’s my list:

-that tall, airhead from st. dominic named alex something (because i find him cute, chubby yes, but he has expressive eyes)

-edmon something (also from st. dominic)

-carlo bagsik (i love guys who make math look easy!)

-espina (i like his eyes and he’s a math wizard too)

-edsel ramos (i need not say why! hahaha!)

-brillantes from st. patrick (eto, super shallow talaga! hahaha!)

-joel sarza (another airhead <?> pero naman! hmmm…)

ikaw, paki-enumerate din nga! hahaha!

rum

finally found him on friendster.

sadly, he’s no longer the hottie i used to swoon over.

one, he gained weight.

two, he’s married.

three,

okay, there’s no number three.

i couldn’t help but smile each time i would walk down memory lane and relive those crazy, crazy days in sophomore year.

the year that benedick and charie fought over binoculars.

binoculars benedick borrowed from charie so we could ogle at his uhmm–i hope he isn’t into checking other people’s blogs–butt.

yeah, he had a keester to die for.

hahaha.

delete that.

he was my biggest crush back in highschool.

because he looked so yummy back then.

and because he looked ’shrouded in mystery.’

and because he was such killer on the hardcourt.

and because i believed that he has something in between his ears.

je suis triste

i dunno why. 

well, maybe i do, but i just don’t get it.

is it because my phone has become incredibly silent for days?

is it because i no longer hear from that person that often anymore?

is it because i no longer end my nights exchanging thoughts with that person?

this is so wrong–to feel this way is so wrong.

to crave that kind of attention.

to want that person to be there for me always.

it’s just unfair.

so unfair.

to everyone.

yet, this feeling is weighing me down.

isn’t this what i’ve been wanting for so long?

for that person to finally keep his distance?

for that person to finally stop toying with my emotions?

i guess i no longer know exactly what i want.

i am seriously demented.

heartbroken

i am.

he shouldn’t have said goodbye.

i wasn’t feeling well last thursday.  my migraine acted up very early in the morning and i was feverish so i decided not to go to work.

at around

6:30

, i excitedly turned on the teevee  to see my other love, ryan, handing them the verdict–phil stacey was declared safe.  and there he stood, confidently cocky next to hailey–my chris sligh.

Simon said it’s gonna be ‘bye, bye, curly’ this time.

and he was right.

america

voted.  he’s going home.

sadness.

that sanjaya will die.

i’ll have him killed.

bye, bye, my sligh.