i am happy.
i am so happy i can’t write.
i am lost for words.
but i have to write something today.
because today marks a milestone.
yup, a milestone.
it’s been 1459 days since habi and i became a couple.
officially, that is.
we’re celebrating our fourth year together.
yup–we’ve made it this far.
thanks to him.
and HIM.
for the past 1459 days, i’ve been waking up each morning with a smile on my face, thanking the One up above for the one man who has shown me what happiness is all about.
the man that is habi.
habi and i met while we were working for fremantle. he and i have just broken up with our respective partners then. he was the type i wouldn’t be caught dating. seriously. he and I were just different. we’re almost complete opposites. i was miss prim and proper—he was mr. brusque. i’d be caught dead yawning without covering my mouth—he burps like there’s no tomorrow. in habi’s world, ‘excuse me’ was unheard of.
i was little miss manners personified.
he was mr. ‘manners, what manners?’
but right from the start he and i were chummy with each other. on our first day at work he and papa r pestered me no end about my ex.
habi, thanks to the free phone cards he and ms. karla used to enjoy would text me—err, forward text jokes to me now and then. if it was a ploy to catch my attention—it certainly worked BUT I bet he would never admit it.
we got closer when i got his name on our first kris kringle. from then on, we started getting to know each other more through text and phone calls. but for some reason we never openly talked to each other at work. perhaps it was because at that time what we had was plainly platonic.
then one night, i decided to go to glorietta to buy something for my ex’s cousin. habi and the rest take the MRT going home so i walked with them. he kept me company while we trailed arlene, paul, rozhe and papa r. as we reached glorietta everyone magically disappeared—they were nowhere to be found. so i told habi to go search for them as i readied myself to set out on my own and go shopping.
he decided to stay with me instead.
he patiently accompanied me in scouting for gift wrappers at karton. he just stood right beside me as i dilly-dallied on which wrapper to use.
after an hour and so and finally settling on sinamay and some raffia, i was ready to call it a night.
but he wasn’t.
he asked if i wanted to have dinner.
starving, i said yes.
so off to french baker we went.
he had chicken ala king while I feasted on lasagna.
since i wasn’t considering it a ‘date’ i told him we’d go dutch.
he disagreed. it was his treat.
after the meal, he walked me to the bus.
when i got home, i thought—‘will I be dating him?’
we went on texting and calling each other. we didn’t really talk about personal stuff—we just teased and kidded each other about work and gossiped about some people. i was having fun. i thought i had found another cesar—someone i could talk to for hours about anything under the sun. the idea of romance far from my mind.
then came ‘lord of the rings’.
i dunno how it came to be—but one night after work, he and I went to greenbelt to watch the first of the LOTR trilogy.
i was nauseous.
NO—it wasn’t because i was out with him.
my tummy just freaked out because i had too much to eat at lunchtime.
ordinarily, i would have just politely said no—but i decided to go with him anyway.
we had a great time watching the movie.
he hailed me a cab after.
i saw tiny sparks flew—but not enough to prod me to go exclusive.
i went on seeing other guys—thinking habi and i were far from dating.
but i guess i was wrong.
we continued going out.
movies every now and then. dinner once in a while.
then came one magical kiss.
and i knew it—i was falling in love.
i tried to fight it—felt like i wasn’t ready for another heartache.
you see, i was a predator. boys were my prey. when i like you, you better hide. i’ll go after you. i’ll do whatever it takes to have you. nail you down.
my first try was unsuccessful–the bait didn’t work.
the second time was effortless but the hunt consumed me. my prey bored me. it just didn’t work. and there was role reversal–he tried to overpower me. i wasn’t born for that. so i left and went on hunting.
but i guess i wasn’t as strong a predator as i was before. on my third stint in the jungle, i became the prey. the predator devoured me. had me shredded into pieces. then left me to rot.
someone came to my rescue. he made me quit the hunting game. he showed me all things bright and beautiful. he nursed my wounded ego, healed my battered heart. but he couldn’t stay. he was a restless wanderer. so he set off and left me to fend for myself. he left me something though–cynicism.
so i went back to my old ways. looked for a new prey. but the playing field has become too dangerous. and my cynicism has deadened my killer instinct. i cowered in fear. but i put on a brave front. no one can harm me. i shielded myself with an armor too hard to penetrate.
or so i thought.
habi managed to strip off my armor.
and made me realize that the heart can learn to be resilient—when nurtured with love.
at the start things didn’t come easy—we both had emotional baggage from previous relationships.
we even parted ways after a few weeks.
but i guess the Fates wanted us to be together.
so we reconciled and there was no turning back.
there were kinks to iron, bumps on the road—i was always quick to throw in the towel, always on the verge of giving up.
but he held me fiercely and determinedly. never wanting to let go.
i’ve erred one too many times, but habi has a very forgiving heart.
he was as steady as a rock.
from the outside i may appear to be the feisty one—but habi was the one who stands firmly through everything.
when my emotions get veered off course, when my mind wanders and my sight gets sidetracked, he lovingly snatches me back from confusion and tucks me safely in his arms.
with him my life has become complete.
he made me see things in a different light.
he helped me become a better person.
his love makes me feel sheltered.
his embrace gives me solace and warmth.
it’s true, i gave this relationship a two-year shelf life.
when i woke on up on our 731st day together i was surprised i still have him in my life.
from then on i started thanking HIM everyday for giving me a man who has the patience of a zillion men combined.
a man with a very resilient heart.
a man whose kindness cannot be measured by words.
a man who loves me in spite of and despite all my imperfections.
a man who never tires of me.
a man who takes good care of me and helps me grow as a person.
a man who taught me the real beauty of love.
a man who took me out of the jungle and housed me in the safety and comfort of his love.
when I woke up this morning, i not only thanked the Boss for giving him to me—for the first time in my life, i asked Him if i could keep him forever.
i cannot imagine myself waking up one day knowing that i have lost him
i can’t bear with that.
i love him that much.
