i’m trying to finish reading a book about the travails of a person afflicted with schizophrenia. other than that, i’m obsessing about how and where on earth i could find good shepherd ‘ube’ within manila. and on the side, i’m on a warpath because an erstwhile friend is ‘blaming’ me over something i have nothing to do with. but my thoughts are getting consumed by something else…
my weekend was fun. saturday was a trip to laguna for my niece pex’s despedida. i burnt my already burnt skin as i swam and swam to my heart’s content. sunday was as laidback as all the sundays of my life have been the past months. i spent it eating out with habi and buying a new pair of wedge slip-ons.
i spent the whole of last night trying to scribble my thoughts on paper but i was unsuccessful. i was starting to mull my future with habi and we’re contemplating on getting a condo unit somewhere in mandaluyong. this is getting to be serious, i thought. and the thing is, i’m feeling none of the jitters and the panic attacks any longer. is this me? am i really to be tied down? :) i honestly dunno yet.
it’s fun trying to picture a life of bliss with the person you love. it’s nice juggling images of happy-ever-after in my mind. me waking up every morning with him by my side, cooking him breakfast then snuggling a while before we both go to work. me coming home to a husband who’s sound asleep in the couch because he got home at 4pm from a twelve-hour work shift. me seeing my hubby washing the dishes as i wipe the dining table smiling to myself. nice thread of thoughts, really.
but are we really ready for this? is this what our next step would be? am i READY–emotionally, mentally, financially (????????????), spiritually and even physically for a step as huge as this one? taking the plunge into a world i so dread in the past? will i make a good wife? i’m certain i wouldn’t burn the toast or screw the rice–i’m absolutely sure i wouldn’t suck in the kitchen–but in all other aspects, i just don’t know! i’m clueless. is three years of having put up with bitchy, bratty me enough a gauge for me to say that he’d still stick it out with me when i’ve officially become his wifey?
am i ready to leave singlehood behind? can i make a vow not to look at any other men or text with other men or enjoy other men’s attention? am i ready to give up the belgian chocolate bars and the heart-warming billet deux from other hombres? is it gonna be my snores-oh-so-loudly and drinks-oh-too-often habibi for good? do i love him enough to take a leap of faith and embrace a life of commitment to him and him alone?
am i really cut out for this thing called marriage? can i really be a part of something i so used to not believe in? i couldn’t say the word yet but my heart’s already smiling. :) maybe in time when he pops the question i’d be able to say it out loud–yes!
for now i just have to rehearse my would-be-wifey creed over and over. it’s like affirmation you know. the more you say it, the more you believe it. eventually it’ll sink in.
rosario roumela zamora cantara-argh! this is negotiable. i could keep my maiden name i hope. i still have 3 years to talk him into allowing me to 
or, after three years then maybe i’ll get used to the sound of his surname affixed to mine and that would be a whole different story. a whole different blog.
sean chambers. his freethrow shooting was atrocious. he couldn’t even sink a long-range jumper. i thought he was such a lemon and i was so thankful that my team purefoods took a better import in the person of darren queenan. but that was back in ‘89. two years after that, jolas transferred to the milkmen’s camp and voila! the ‘lemon’ became the object of my desire. :) born february 27, 1965 in los angeles, california, ‘my’ sean’s passport to fame was his victory over the black superman, billy ray bates in the IBA slam dunk competition back in 1987. 
