senti over testi

it’s the first time i’m writing here from home.  earlier, i was busy browsing my friends’ profiles.  i checked almost everyone’s.  when i clicked that of an old friend–a best buddy’s actually, i decided that perhaps it would be best if i would break the ice tonight, so to speak.  he and i have not talked for 2 months now–maybe even 3, i lost track already. our rift started over something petty.  and admittedly, it was my fault.  actually, i’ve already apologized for it but it didn’t change things.  he still haven’t responded and just last week i realized i had been missing my friend terribly. for after all, he had for years, been my shock absorber.  he has listened to my ranting and whinings without ever being judgmental about me.  he is my best guy friend.  so when i saw his profile tonight, i decided that i’m gonna send him an email and apologize for being such a baby about what happened.  before wriing him, i browsed through his testimonials–and boom!  it dawned on me that he has deleted the one i made for him.  three emotions enveloped me–one, perplexity.  why did he delete it?  two, sadness.  because the reality of a friendship ended just like that hit me.  three, anger.  was the rift we’re having that serious?  is this his way of telling me that the conflict we’re having can no longer be resolved? well, i’ve no way of confirming it. i’ll just sleep on it and perhaps tomorrow it’ll sink and…i dunno.  honestly, i feel like crying.  why should a beautiful friendship end just like that? i could only ask.  i need coke to calm my nerves now.