still the one

seventeen days from now i’ll officially get my guinness world record for my longest relationship ever—3 years! J  boy!  it was a lot of hard work! J  for after all, it takes too much of one’s energy to be in love and stay in love with just one person this long!

credit of course goes to the man who has captured my heart 118 movie dates back.  the man who stuck it out with me through everything—the laughter and the sorrow, over triumphs and failures…the man who has put up with my whims, my impossible moods, my eccentricities, my unreasonable tantrums—the man who has embraced both the good and the bad in me. 

for a little under three years, our relationship has weathered quite a few storms.  there were little bumps on the road, some huge obstacles that could have drowned the relationship if not for his resilience and faith in what we have and his enormous love for me.

i’ve gone astray and back—i’ve flirted with infidelity.  said goodbye one too many times but he kept still—stood right where he did in the beginning—beside me, through everything.

i used to kid him that he’s no saint and that eventually he’d give up on me—but each time we’re on the edge and i’m as close to giving up as i have always had—he wraps his arms around me and keeps me securely in place.  he never lets up, never let go.    

so now it’s my turn to show him just how grateful i am to have him in my life.  already, i’m trying to set my sight forward and so far, i like what i’m seeing…he and i together till  we’re both old and grey…aging gracefully in each other’s arms…

yes, there’ll be diego and iñigo…and perhaps a girl named kiara too!   playing happily in a warm, cozy Mediterranean house in Antipolo.  i’ll learn to cook other viands aside from fried chicken and adobo! there’ll be Sunday trips to the beach, there’ll be family get-togethers with his side of the family and mine, there’ll be a lot of good times…

but more importantly, there’ll be ‘US’…he and i together for real, for keeps…with a ring on my finger, perhaps!  there’ll be more loving…  more snuggling and cuddling on cold nights and even on scorching hot days!  the sex will be earth-shatteringly great!  and hopefully, the fighting will end…

i’m weaving dreams again and this time my resolve is far greater than it has ever been…because now more than ever, i’m absolutely sure that this is what i want…and this is what i’m gonna strive so hard for…

he and i together…for keeps…forever. 

for he has been and will always be THE ONE for me. J

chingan

i’ve an 8-year-old daughter named chingan.  she weighs 65 lbs., almost as tall as i am and has two dimples which surface only when she’s either crying out loud like there’s no tomorrow or when she’s laughing like crazy. she loves to eat and read.  she watches just about anything on tv–at one time, i called her up at home while i was some place else and asked her what she’s doing.  she replied, ‘i’m watching tv patrol!’  she also watches csi and when she does, she asks endless questions! ‘what does homicide mean?  why do they use fingerprints as evidence?’  –she asks a lot of questions about a lot of things.  just last night while she was watching ‘kampanerang kuba’ somebody delivered the line, ‘di pa ko mamamatay, masamang tao kasi ako.  mabubuting tao lang ang namamatay agad!’  to which, chingan quipped, ‘magpapakasama na ‘ko! gusto ko mabuhay matagal!’ i laughed out loud and tried to explain to her that what the character said doesn’t really hold true.  but she just smirked and said, ‘basta!’  chingan is a very intelligent girl–she reads a lot and learns a lot of things in the process.  she talks like an adult.  she is very stubborn but, that’s the one thing that really endeared her to me.  she’s a lot like me in many ways. our toes both curl whenever we fail to get what we want.  we’re both ‘masungit’ when asked the same question over and over and over again. i can talk to her about anything–one time, she saw me crying and she turned to me and said, ’sino nag-away sa ‘yo? si darwin ba?" then she went over to darwin and confronted him!  i guess love really begets love.  i’ve loved her all my life.  her little triumphs make me proud.  it breaks my heart when she cries.  no matter how tired i am just the sight of her and a kiss from her can lift up my mood and make me feel better. in her eyes i find solace and warmth.  when i hold her hands after a long day at work, i get recharged.  that’s how much i love her.  she makes me optimistic of how great a mom i could be when i have my own child someday. chingan, you see is not my biological daughter.  she’s just my daughter by affinity. :)  she’s my kuya lindy’s youngest child.  she’s growing up fast–i hope i could stop the time even for just a year or two.  at 8 years old, she’s still my baby. i still bathe her and dress her up. when i asked her how much longer she’s gonna stay as my baby, she said–’till i’m 20!’ oh well…it’s a dozen years ahead.

friends with an ex

exes.  i used to be proud of the fact that i have managed to be friends and remain friends with the hombres i had relationships with in the past.  you see, i believe that when an amorous relationship ends, it doesn’t follow that both parties MUST sever ties TOTALLY.  for most people, the adage  ‘friends could turn into lovers but ex-lovers could never be friends’ holds true.  but i beg to disagree.  when you get into a relationship with someone, your lives get entwined.  you form a bond that’s just a tad shy of how strong family ties can be.  you develop friendship.  and friendship, to me is eternal.  friends do fight, friends curse each other to death, friends steal boyfriends from each other, friends get blown apart by time and distance–but the flames of friendship can always be rekindled and kept aflame.  when my love relationship gets ended, i cry a river.  i tear photos of my erstwhile amore to pieces.  i hurl invectives at him.  pray that he rots in hell. then i move on.  once everything is behind me, i ring him.  ask how he is.  have coffee with him or text him (if he’s outside the 10-mile radius), then befriend him.  i turn him from a lost treasure to a cherished possession–a FRIEND.  and so far, i had been successful. 4 out of 5. (flings-considered-as-not-so-serious-BFs counted).

hombre no. 1 is the sole exception.  he has a valid excuse not to be an amigo.  he claims that he was NEVER my guy.  so why force the issue? i just keep him on my list to up my number! hehehe!

hombre no. 2 is someone i had a very amicable breakup with. he’s the epitome of being soooooooo understanding and sooooooo forgiving.  two weeks after the breakup, we were seen watching ‘the hunchback of notre dame’ hehehe!

hombre no. 3 is ‘friend-turned bf-turned ex-turned bestbuddy’. for friendster’s sake, enough said.

hombre no. 4 is someone i continue to get in touch with from time to time.  he has become a shock absorber and a ‘whine all you want, i’ll listen’ kind of friend.  he’s someone i could goof around, exchange flirtatious text messages with and get vodka ice-drenched whenever he’s in town. 

hombre no. 5 is ‘bf turned-friend-turned KF-turned ex- tuned KF-turned friend again-turned ex-turned someone i occasionally flirt with-turned…’ EXasperating! no. 5 is someone who would text me in the middle of the night for no reason at all. ‘just want to say hi, kiddo.’  or in the wee hours of the morning, ‘up now? i was just thinking of you.’ sometimes, he would ring me while i’m with my present beau and tell me he misses me.  confusing? no.  because clearly, i know what he and i share NOW–friendship.  in all its unabashed glory.  the flirtations, i couldn’t help–for he is one of the most intellectually-stimulating flirts i ever came across.  he’s a very good conversationalist–women of all shapes,sizes and age box simply adore him.  when he and i were together (it was an LDR because he stays in bacolod), we could chat for hours.  now that he and i have become estranged–it has been four years now–we have remained each other’s ‘witty repartee’ partner.  we laugh at each other’s dumb jokes, we share the same wavelength, the same brand of humor.  the love affair have ended but the friendship endures.  he is happy with his life now, and so am i. he did break my heart back then and i did inflict emotional pain on him too–but that’s all water under the bridge now.  maybe we were not meant to be lovers in the first place because clearly–he and i are meant to be FRIENDS.

on my epitaph

on my epitaph i want this:

SO MANY MEN, SO LITTLE TIME.